In Defense of My OF

It’s come to my attention that there are two different groups of people who might have an issue with my OnlyFans account: 1. Disapproving friends and family 2. Subscribers wanting more frequent and explicit content.

To the first group, I would like to assure you that I have not gone off the deep end and become some apocalyptic hooker slangin’ tang in the dark alleys of the internet. Also, and more importantly, I enjoy taking and posting fun, sexy photos of myself. Not only for the money, but because I like to feel attractive, admired and appreciated. I also enjoy the fan interaction and the freedom of expressing a side of myself that I have purposely pushed down and denied since I started doing standup 11 years ago. Plus, it’s just fun to dress up and have a reason to put on makeup and heels while trapped in a Midwest attic apartment and waiting for the world (and fancy ass restaurants) to fully reopen.

And to my subscribers, I would first like to say THANK YOU so much for your support. In all honesty, I started an OF out of desperation for income when Covid shut down comedy clubs and the money I was expecting to get from the sale and release of the documentary “Funny Pains” never materialized (that’s an entirely different can of slimy worms). At first, I dreaded posting photos because of a long held belief that I was wildly unattractive. I was convinced that 50% of the comments and messages would be links to various discount plastic surgeons. To my surprise, you were all very kind and helped to boost my self esteem along with my bank account. Some of you have also become friends and for that, I am eternally grateful. Please know that as you continue to read…

Recently, a couple subscribers reached out to let me know they were unsatisfied with the frequency of my posts and wanted to “see more”. Because the internet is not known for it’s super tight privacy and security regulations, I am not going to post photos or videos of my birth canal being used as a water luge for sex toys. Especially not for $5/ month (of which I receive $4). I purposely set the monthly subscription rate low because I did not want to become completely consumed with constantly creating content. I fully understand that some people are able to output without any negative mental ramifications, I am not one of those people and do my best to set and keep healthy, balanced personal boundaries. Also, not to come off like a massive cunt (a girl is not always what she has between her legs), I did the math and it comes out to like, $00.12 a photo.

If you calculate all the other content I consistently put out for free, I feel like that’s not only a good deal, but a fun way for fans to show support and appreciation. Plus, who doesn’t want to jerk off to a wig hoarding, TikToking Cat MILF??

Hopefully this cleared things up for some people. Please forgive any errors as I am posting this without proofreading because my anal bleaching cream is starting to burn. And before you start internally screaming about the patriarchy propigating “perfect” asshole ideals, let me assure you that I am bleaching my asshole for the same reason I have an OF: I am doing it for ME. And maybe a liiiiittle bit for the money.

Again, thank you to my fans and most sincere apologies to any family members that made the grave mistake of putting my name into a google search.